Mission: Spread the Love

I suppose it seems things have calmed down in the life of Tif & Aubrey.  This is not true.  I’m presently being tempted into commitment by my stronger-than-expected feelings for The Kid, but Tif is dealing with stuff right now and thus, I have taken it upon myself to take on Mission: Spread the Love.

See, this all started because about three or four weeks ago, I managed to blurt out, “So, I’ve made a decision… at some point, I’d like to be your girlfriend.”  Naturally, this comment came out of my mouth after a particularly enjoyable sex sesh.  I had noticed that my feelings for the Kid were growing, but I hadn’t realized that up until I said that sentence out loud, how badly I wanted the title — and the commitment that comes with it.

It surprised me that all the thinking I had been doing leading up to that moment had drawn that conclusion in my head.  I was conscious of the fact that I had been wrestling, frequently, with whether or not I could overlook our incredible differences.  Could I dismiss the fact that we differ politically or that we can’t even find common ground when it comes to the existence of God, let alone religion or the possible merits of having a religious education?  Then, I was looking at the similarities he has with The Rebel, who had called me weeks prior just to tell me that he loved me.  (But, might I clarify, he is not in love with me.  Though, of course, he didn’t say.)

Apparently, I could.  I want him enough to say, “Fuck the rest.  I want to be with you, and if you want to be with me, we can figure this out.”

And then, I started to notice, that admission led to me being so very open and vulnerable to The Kid.  So much more than before… and then I was falling… I was getting protective, clingy — at least, in my head, it felt that way.  I wanted to spend more time with him, in fact, I craved time with him.  I invited him to meet my friends (and wow, did I bombard him there, but he passed my friends with flying colors!), and I brought him out to meet coworkers and my Boy BFF Xander.

But then I started to wrestle with my insecurities because the Kid doesn’t call often, scarcely initiates texts or us hanging out.  I never seem to question his affection when we’re together, but when we’re apart!  Oh, I wish he’d at least text or call to say hello.  It’s driven me a bit nuts because I feel as if I’m falling for him faster than he’s falling for me.  I started to rationalize then: well, the reason for this is because I’m pretty focused on him alone.  If I dated other people simultaneously, I would then not be so attached to him alone.

And that was when I made the decision: perhaps it’s time, two years later, that I can manage to give the Rebel what he wants – dinner, friendship, and an open door to go from there.

The low-down skinny on Aubrey

Alright, alright.  Life has been a bit of a whirlwind for the last little while, which is why you haven’t heard too much out of me lately.  I wanted to do a separate post for everything that’s been going on, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get you guys caught up.  So, I figure I’ll just give it to you all at once.

You can take it, right?

• Status Update on the Kid: I thought we were dunzo.  After all, it had been, what, a week? Two?  Incommunicado.  But in one online conversation, he blurted out, “I don’t mean to neglect you like this, you know.” Choosing my words carefully, I asked him what he meant by that.  He explained that he’d been feeling kind of withdrawn lately, and he explained that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with his own mental space.  Alright, I could understand that.  I’ve been there before.  I can be broody too, you know?  So I asked him if I was going to see him again.  He replied in the affirmative, and we made plans to hang out this past week.  In fact, since the ‘rents are out of town, I’ve got free reign to do as I please (and whomever I please), so I took him up on it.  He admitted to having a tendency to jump into relationships, then freak out once he found himself in said relationship.  I wasn’t sure why he was telling me that, considering the fact that I hadn’t even bothered to push for a relationship.  In fact, I had been ready to accepting the premature death of a potential relationship.  But we didn’t really get into the subject, as we busied ourselves with dinner and a DVD.  I don’t think I’ve mentioned it, but the Kid is a Cuddler.  I don’t mind being affectionate, primarily behind closed doors, but sometimes it can be slightly uncomfortable, sitting there with a guy’s arm propped up behind your head, your sweaty palm entwined with his sweaty palm…  And his couch (which isn’t one of those omg-I-just-want-to-curl-up-and-fall-asleep-on-this couches, but more of those, I’m-proper-and-sitting-straight couches, really isn’t one of the most comfortable places to cuddle up in.  Maybe I’m less of a cuddler than I thought.  Who knows.  All I know is this: I’m beginning to seriously question our sexual compatibility (more on that in a later post).
• Summary of my trip to the Gyno: My trip to the gyno was for the standard Pap Smear, STD testing, and a birth control prescription.  Since it’d been a while since my last complete physical, she decided to do a fully work up on me — blood and all.  I had requested a pregnancy test, and they determined that no, I wasn’t preggo (thank God), but yes, I did have a small bit of blood in my urine.  I was informed that it’s likely that I have a small urinary tract infection.  Lovely.  This is not news to me, as I’ve had UTIs before, usually after having sex.  I’m not sure why, but that seems to be the most frequent trigger.  They prescribed me some antibiotics along with my NuvaRing, and I chatted more to my gyno.  She was recommended by a friend of mine, so I had to go through my whole history with her.  When she discovered that my cycle was highly irregular (I mean, c’mon, I’ve had my period twice in the last two years), she asked me a couple more questions before asking if I had ever been tested for PCOS.  Poly-who what?!  Polycystic ovary syndrome.  It means I might have cysts on my ovaries.  Fan-fucking-tastic.  I hear it might not be that big of a deal, but I haven’t had much of a chance to really read up on it yet, and she hasn’t confirmed whether or not I really have PCOS yet.  I’ll find out when I go back to hear my results on October 3rd.  I’ll definitely keep you informed on my STI-or-STD check and the PCOS thing.  Needless to say, I’m not exactly thrilled.
• Status Update on the Saint: He’s finally starting to settle into some of the life changes going on with him, and I’m finally starting to see him as just a good friend.  I still email him at least once a week, just to give him an update on my life.  Thankfully, he finds it interesting rather than annoying.  But due to his busy schedule, he doesn’t usually get back to me on what’s going on with him until the weekend.  I’m very disappointed to see this potential forever man drift more into the background.
• Status Update on the Rebel: OMG.  The Rebel needs to have his own post.  A bulletpoint really can’t do this story justice.  Remember when I told you he called and interrupted a little sumptin’ sumptin’?  Well, now he’s gone ahead and interrupted my whole life.  My mistake was thinking that giving him an impromptu call would be harmless.  And while one can argue that it ultimately was fairly harmless, the truth is, our conversation has been on my mind all week long.  That’s how BIG it was.  And that’s why it needs it’s own post.

Until next time,

-A.

So THAT’s what Mysterioso wants!

…to fuck me.

Well, I could’ve told you that I knew this from the beginning since Mysterioso HAS been forward as hell about it.. but then again, there is a hint that he MAY have wanted more than just to fuck me.  But after our IM conversation ended abruptly just now, he might’ve changed his mind.

So I signed onto my IM and saw that he was on, and was debating with Aubrey about whether to IM him or not until coming to the conclusion that I would wait for him to initiate the conversation (since it has always been the other way around so far).  And to my surprise, he actually DID message me first with a hello.  The conversation started off normal enough..

Now wait a second, did I forget to mention that last week I sent him a horny text message requesting him to come over and fuck me?  Yes, I totally left that out.  Anyway, that’s a little back-story that should explain how the conversation led directly to talk about why he didn’t come over.

I tried to shrug it off as a FLUKE occurrence, that I was just extremely (yes, EXTREMELY) horny and it was not something that I’d normally offer up so easily.  Because really, that’s what it WAS!  He looked totally hot that night when I saw him and I wanted to just jump on him SO badly.. It would have been hot and fucking delicious.   But then.. all the news of the following day’s events flooded my brain, and I felt guilty for him thinking that the offer is still there when I’m on a mandatory no-humping dry spell.

The conversation proceeded something like this (I paraphrased.. it was a long IM):

Mysterioso:  then put legs on my shoulders and go real deep
and hard

Mysterioso: kiss your neck and ear suck on your bottom lip

Mysterioso: look into your eyes and go real deep

[I come to the realization that Mysterioso is IN THE MOOD (reference to our blog title haha)]

the incurable flirt:  are you trying to cyberfuck me?

Mysterioso:  watch you touch yourself as i pound away

Mysterioso:  flip you over on top

Mysterioso:  so you ride it and grind on it

Mysterioso:  i can kiss that sexy ass stomach of yours

Mysterioso:  lick your nipples

Mysterioso:  grab your ass

Mysterioso:  lean over and kiss you over your shoulder

Mysterioso:  fuck you harder and harder

[enter more progressively graphic yet awesome sex talk here]

Yes so after discussing it with Aubrey, I’ve realized that I got CYBER RAPED!  Well, it’s not like I didn’t enjoy reading it and getting turned on by it.. but I just feel so guilty because my downstairs is out of order at this point in time.  Not only that, but also the fact that I already have such a great fuck going with Particular Guy.  Particular Guy and I just came to an agreement, after our adventures in catching the Clap, that we would be down to just fuck each other exclusively.

And then there goes life, waving extra juicy candy in front of my face yet again, in the hot from of Mysterioso himself.

So after he invited me to “hang out with him” in a few days from now, upon which I attempted to slickly decline (I didn’t pull it off quite the way I had wanted to)… he proceeded to say stuff along the lines of ‘WTF you got me all worked up and now you’re saying you can’t?’  I tried to tell him why.. the REAL reason why.. I was just in the beginnings of being completely honest about my situation, then he SIGNED OFF.  And didn’t return.  All I got in was that something happened the day after I sent that text message, and that it affected me and my ability to fuck.  Then he was gone.  So……. Aubrey says I just blueballed him and that he must be thinking me to be a tease.  I’m debating about whether or not to bother emailing or calling him to explain, or if I’ll just let it be and wait for him to be available on IM again.  Though waiting is probably what I’ll end up doing because I don’t really have the energy to deal with it right now.

After getting tested again and making sure that I’m clean, the question is this: Do I really want to open the door between my legs to Mysterioso as well?  Obviously, by the way that he was cyberfucking me, we’d have a jolly fun time in the sack together.  And he’s definitely HOT.. but the health risk factor might be high with him.  I don’t know him that well, and generally speaking, I just don’t know.. I’d need to have a sit-down talk with him to see what’s up, if he’s been tested, all that fun stuff.  We’d definitely be using rubbers, and ideally we would be honest with each other once any new partner(s) enter the picture.

Moral to the story?  As Aubrey has pointed out… Cybersex is NOT dead.  HA!

-the incurable flirt

Hey who would’ve thought it.. I actually AM a dirty slut!

So I can’t help but see the irony out of this whole fucking situation and even though it’s BAD news, it’s not the end of the world and therefore we shall laugh about it!

Let’s start at the beginning:

Last week, I went in for an appointment with good ol’ Planned Parenthood to get tested for STD’s and get some birth control (hooray for the NuvaRing, might I add).  The nurse tells me that they can only test me for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea since this is a Planned Parenthood “express” appointment, with symptoms-free testing.  After receiving my rings and setting up a future pap appointment to test for everything else, the nurse says with optimism, “If we don’t call you by around Friday, everything’s normal…. NO news is good news.”

[I'm guessing that you can see where this post is going...]

So there I am, all happy to be on birth control so that I could have babies-free sexcapades with The Particular Guy, feeling carefree and wonderful.. Then I get the voice message. “Hello this is ________ calling  from Planned Parenthood.. could you please give us a call back as soon as possible?”

UHHH….

Okay, okay.. that means I HAVE SOMETHING.  I try my best not to completely flip out as walk to my car and do my best to not start panicking.  The anxiety and thoughts running through my head were awful.  I have SOMETHING. oh my god. oh my god… I’ve only been single for about 5 minutes and i CAUGHT SOMETHING.  What the fuck did I get??  Holy shit…

I get to the car, shut the door, and bring myself to make the phone call.  I get in touch with the doctor [breathe, just breathe]

“Oh, here’s your chart.  Ohhhhh… Well.. [long pause] So as you know, we ran some tests on you for STD’s, and you tested positive for Chlamydia.  Are you familiar with what Chlamydia is?”

[insert mild/moderate/severe panic here]

“Uh yes I remember learning about it in school.. is that something that goes away??”

“Well, if you don’t get it treated right away, there are possible complications in the future that could lead to uterine problems or even cancer.  It’s treatable…”

“No, but does it go away?  Is it CURABLE?”

“Yes, if you get treated now, it’ll clear up.”

I breathed a giant sigh of relief and I think I said out loud “Oh thank fucking god!!” Then the doctor gives me some more information about my condition over the phone-  No sex for 2 weeks (to let the infection clear up and I have the option to buy the antibiotics for my partner because he definitely has it too). I need to go back to the clinic and get re-tested in 3 months to see if I still have it.

HOLYMOTHERFUGGG.  so.. I’m relieved yet also in absolute SHOCK.  I agree to go down to the clinic right that second so that I can pick up the antibiotics (for both me AND Particular Guy) and start the treatment.  Now I can’t help but recall reading the DD’s experience, and I am kicking myself for finding myself in the same boat.  Given, I’m retarded and I didn’t use a condom while she has used a condom every time.. but I still didn’t find it likely that I’d catch something after having sex with two guys (err not simultaneously).

So.. the dreaded phone calls to The Friend and Particular Guy.  Embarrassing as it was, it was also extremely necessary to alert them of the situation.  The Friend is busy at work, and says he’ll call me back.  I end up text messaging him the news – “Uh so I just got tested for STD’s and I have something, but it’s CURABLE.  You need to get tested and treated right away if you have it.” He responds with a shocked text “Wow.. what is it” and we go back and forth a bit about it.  He seems to take it well and doesn’t sound all that surprised (hmm, is HE the one that gave it to me??).  I’ll have to follow up with him soon and double check if he got tested/treated yet.  As for Particular Guy, I texted him that he needed to “call me back, it’s kind of urgent”.  What a mood kill after playful texts earlier that day, about screwing on his desk again soon.  2 weeks.  Damn me.

So I’m waiting to be seen (it’s going to take an hour, maybe an hour and a half.  GREAT…), and Particular Guy calls me so I go outside to break the news to him.  He sounds.. I don’t know at first.  I tell him all the facts, and try to emphasize that it’s NOT life-threatening, nor a permanent virus, and I do my best to be light-hearted while telling him everything.  I tell him that I’ll take care of getting his antibiotics for him, and I’ll meet him up that night so that he can take it right away.  And after I had awhile to let everything sink in, that I’m not about to die, that I don’t have something permanent.. I came to a selfish yet practical realization – I can’t have sex for 2 fucking weeks once I take those pills.  Enter my completely legit proposition to Particular Guy for “1 last hoorah” before we both take the medication.  After hanging up, we joke a bit back and forth via text

“One last time.. there may be something to that….”

“I hope that I’ll be able to keep myself from laughing my ass off if you call me dirty slut tonight”

“Trust me, I will [winking face]“

“Dude!  The doctor was pretty hot… I’m betting that any attempts on my part to hit on her would not have been all that slick though, since I was there, getting meds for Chlamydia LOL”

So things are feeling okay, though I’m still shocked… still in mild disbelief that I caught something so fast.  That it happened to ME.  Being single is SCARY now, at least when it comes to STD’s and the high risk involved with being an extremely horny (and attractive) woman.  There’s REAL DANGERS.  …shitty.

If I get around to it, I’ll add a post about the amazing humpage that we proceeded to have that night… stay tuned for that one.  We-both-have-the-clap-and-therefore-must-fuck-one-last-time-fucking was right up there with kinky-fantasy-office sex.  Yum.

Let’s cut to the end of our lesson, the moral of the story, if you will:  you don’t need to do it with 10 dudes to catch something, not even 3.  i had 2 sexual partners after my long-term relationship ended.  if i can get it, YOU can get it.  aside from some uncomfortable urination (which I had assumed to be another UTI, since I had gotten them often in the past while in a monogamous bf-gf relationship), i had no symptoms.  Be scared and USE CONDOMS and have open communication with your partner(s).  Don’t be shy or embarrassed to ask them about their sexual history, or to both get tested before you bone.. your health is at stake.  I’m just taking this as a huge lesson to always use condoms, or stick with one partner that i can trust to be completely honest with me the moment he starts boning another girl.  And though you’d think that this whole ordeal would be a COMPLETE buzz kill to my “Woooooo life is AWESOME and I’m LIVIN’ it!” outlook, I’m just going to take it as a giant learning experience and be ever-so-thankful that I didn’t catch something gnarly.  Particular Guy was very cool about the whole thing and I am DEFINITELY looking forward to humping his brains out as soon as our 2-week abstinence period is over.  But the amazing sex that we had last week really should tide me over for at least a week, maybe a week and a half.  It was gooooooooood…..

[EDIT: It has been a week and I'm already horny again.  DAMN ME, and damn this mandatory abstinence crap!!]

-the incurable flirt

Done dilly-dallying, ready to post about the delicious office sex..

Thanks to Aubrey’s persistence in reminding me that I NEEDED to post as soon as humanly possible about my weekend office escapades, I am now attempting to do just that.  Just keep in mind that I have been busy lately, but mostly a little nervous to attempt to put it into words.  I told her, “I really don’t think that whatever I post will be nearly as great as the ACTUAL experience itself!”  And I still feel that way, but I’ll give it a shot…

So let me start off by saying that, I was terribly unsuccessful at waiting to hump Particular Guy until after getting tested (appointment is this week).  The thought of visiting him at his office and showing up dressed in extra sexytery attire was just too hard to resist… I wore appropriate office attire (a blouse, knee-length yet very form-fitting skirt, and work jacket), with the addition of very high stilettos and the subtraction of underwear   I also prepared for this special encounter by shaving everything (smooth is definitely sexy)…

I can tell he loves my office outfit when he meets me at the front door with the hugest grin on his face.  As we walk past the security guard, Particular Guy says to me, “Thanks for coming to help us today.. we really appreciate it…”  I get even more excited at his adorable attempt to play off the fact that we’re about to get our fuck on!  Up the elevator we go and he makes small talk about what paintings he might want for his office..  When he doesn’t automatically lunge for me once the elevator doors close, I assume that there must be a camera in the elevator.  Our small talk continues through the hallway, into the suite, then abruptly stops once we enter his private office and he closes the door behind me.

He makes his way over to sitting on the corner of his desk and I stand between his legs to begin kissing him deeply.  I stop, giggling… “I’m having another one of those moments,” I say with a huge smile, “where I can’t believe I’m here.  It’s too hot…!”  He laughs it off and continues to kiss me as he runs his hands down my back and up the high slit in the back of my skirt, groping my ass then making his discovery of the smooth, bare flesh between my legs.  There’s that huge grin again!

In the midst of it all, I’m just… SO turned on that I’m actually about to have only-in-my-wildest-fantasies office sex.  I can’t help but grin from ear-to-ear as we start “getting work done”.  He takes off my jacket, easily unhooks my bra with one hand (he’s slick like that), and pulls my top down to suck on my tits.  They’re on the small side, but they’re definitely perky and at least a handful each.  He then lifts my skirt up and puts his fingers inside of me.  Ohhhhh.. fingers are absolutely my weakness!  We’re kissing, groping each other.. He swiftly takes off his shirt to reveal that gorgeous physique and I can’t help but grab his arms and think to myself yummmmm… Off with the shorts.  “Will you help me out?” he says, and I eagerly oblige him as I get down on my knees to take his dick into my mouth.  I slurp and slurp while he moans in enjoyment.

After a few minutes of sucking, he says, “Let’s check out my view” and pulls me up, directing me over to the window.  Hmm.. are these windows tinted?  Can people see us?  Who gives a fuck!  I bend over and brace myself on the window sill as he enters me from behind.  Particular guy is completely naked (and that’s a beautiful sight!!) while I’m still fully clothed, sexy high heels and all, with the exception of my skirt being up enough for him to thrust in and out of me.  He’s strong.  Whenever he fucks me from behind, he can’t help but grip my hips and ass cheeks so tightly to ensure a good ride, I always find bruises the next day (but, mind you, they’re always WORTH it).  DUDE.  This is FUCKING HOT! We’re humping like wild, sexy animals and I’m moaning so loudly… Every so often I cuss, because it feels so good and I’m so fucking into it as he spanks my tight ass.  He grabs ahold of my hair and holds on tightly for several more minutes of delicious window sex.  Holy shit…

“I WANT to get on the desk,” I say.

He lays me down, pulls me to the edge, and enters me hard, with my legs hanging over his elbows.  Oh my fucking goodness!  I grip the edge of the desk to keep myself from sliding away.. That desk was pretty damn slippery.  [Gee, my legs look great in these heels]  We play around with my legs being wrapped around him, with my ankles on his shoulders, then finally end our fantasy with him hitting it from the back for a bit before he pulls out and brings his dick over to me for me to drink his juice.  “Ahh.. suck it.. ahhhh..” [yes, sir!].  His leg twitches a little as he comes.  How cute.  With his dick still in my mouth, I’m already smiling slightly.. He’s done, and I can’t help but say it with utter sincerity.  “Hmm… that was FUN.“

And you know what?  This doesn’t even do the sexiness of office sex justice!

-TIF.