Mission: Spread the Love

I suppose it seems things have calmed down in the life of Tif & Aubrey.  This is not true.  I’m presently being tempted into commitment by my stronger-than-expected feelings for The Kid, but Tif is dealing with stuff right now and thus, I have taken it upon myself to take on Mission: Spread the Love.

See, this all started because about three or four weeks ago, I managed to blurt out, “So, I’ve made a decision… at some point, I’d like to be your girlfriend.”  Naturally, this comment came out of my mouth after a particularly enjoyable sex sesh.  I had noticed that my feelings for the Kid were growing, but I hadn’t realized that up until I said that sentence out loud, how badly I wanted the title — and the commitment that comes with it.

It surprised me that all the thinking I had been doing leading up to that moment had drawn that conclusion in my head.  I was conscious of the fact that I had been wrestling, frequently, with whether or not I could overlook our incredible differences.  Could I dismiss the fact that we differ politically or that we can’t even find common ground when it comes to the existence of God, let alone religion or the possible merits of having a religious education?  Then, I was looking at the similarities he has with The Rebel, who had called me weeks prior just to tell me that he loved me.  (But, might I clarify, he is not in love with me.  Though, of course, he didn’t say.)

Apparently, I could.  I want him enough to say, “Fuck the rest.  I want to be with you, and if you want to be with me, we can figure this out.”

And then, I started to notice, that admission led to me being so very open and vulnerable to The Kid.  So much more than before… and then I was falling… I was getting protective, clingy — at least, in my head, it felt that way.  I wanted to spend more time with him, in fact, I craved time with him.  I invited him to meet my friends (and wow, did I bombard him there, but he passed my friends with flying colors!), and I brought him out to meet coworkers and my Boy BFF Xander.

But then I started to wrestle with my insecurities because the Kid doesn’t call often, scarcely initiates texts or us hanging out.  I never seem to question his affection when we’re together, but when we’re apart!  Oh, I wish he’d at least text or call to say hello.  It’s driven me a bit nuts because I feel as if I’m falling for him faster than he’s falling for me.  I started to rationalize then: well, the reason for this is because I’m pretty focused on him alone.  If I dated other people simultaneously, I would then not be so attached to him alone.

And that was when I made the decision: perhaps it’s time, two years later, that I can manage to give the Rebel what he wants – dinner, friendship, and an open door to go from there.